Before this starts
I need you to understand something
These are the words from the other side of suicide
From the people left standing after
someone they loved couldn't stay
The ones who still ask questions
The ones who still blame themselves
The ones who still reach for a phone
that will never ring the same again
This is not anger, this is not judgment
This is love with nowherе to go
This is grief trying to speak
This is what it sounds like whеn somebody leaves
And the people who love them have to keep
breathing around the hole they left behind
I've tried to find the right words
But some pain doesn't come with the right words
Some pain just sits in your chest and makes a home there
No matter how much time passes there's
still a part of you that stayed behind
On the day everything changed

This is for the ones we love
The ones we still love
The ones we would've saved if love was enough
You were somebody who changed me
Somebody I loved deeply
Somebody I still look for
In places you used to be

I walked through days that still expect me to breathe
Like I didn't lose the air when I lost you
People say, don't blame yourself
And I know they mean well
They tell me I couldn't have known
They tell me I couldn't have stopped it
They tell me your pain was bigger than anything
I could've loved away
And maybe they're right
But grief doesn't care about maybe
Grief comes at night when the world gets quiet
and asks questions that don't have answers
What if I had called? What if I had stayed?
What if I had heard something different in your voice?

What if one more I love you could have held you here?
Because if love could have saved you
you would still be here
If my arms could have pulled you out of that darkness
If my voice could have been Louder than
The pain lying yo you, you would still be here

I loved you enough to fight every shadow that came for you
I just didn't know I was fighting something
that had already gotten too close
And I hate that
I hate that you were hurting in ways I couldn't see
I hate that you're mind convinced you you're alone
When you were loved so deeply
I hate that pain can be that loud
Loud enough to drown out the people
who would've dropped everything
Loud enough to make you believe
The world would keep turning the same without you
But it doesn't

There is a hole in my heart that still has your shape
There's songs I can't listen to, places I can't go
Memories I can't touch without breaking open all over again
There are moments I still reach for you before I remember
And that remembering hurts every time
Because losing you didn't just break my heart, it changed me
It changed the way I hear silence
The way I answer the phone, the way I say goodbye
Now every quiet moment feels dangerous
Every missed call feels heavy
Every I'm fine sounds like something I need to check on
'Cause I know now that sometimes people who
are drowning don't look like they're drowning
Some times they smile, sometimes they laugh
Sometimes they say they're okay
But you were never a burden
Not for one second
And to anyone listening
who feels like the world would be better without you
Please hear me
That is pain talking
That is the darkness lying to you

You may feel tired
You may feel broken
You may feel like reaching out is too hard
But reach out anyway
Send a text, make the call
Tell somebody, "I'm not okay"
You don't have to explain it perfectly, just stay
Stay long enough for help to find you
Stay long enough for the feeling to pass
Stay long enough to let somebody love you
Do the part you don't know how to survive alone
Because there is someone who will spend the
rest of their life missing you if you go
There is someone who will replay every conversation
looking for what they missed
There is someone who would give anything for one more chance
To tell you how much you matter
Please don't let the worst moment of
your life make the final decision
You are needed, you are loved
You are not too far gone, you are not too much
You are not a burden
And to the one I lost, I don't know
if this reaches you, wherever you are
But I hope somehow, you know

I hope you know I still love you
I hope you know I don't remember you for how you left
I remember your heart, I remember your laugh
I remember the way you made life feel less lonely
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry for every moment you felt alone
I'm sorry the world was too heavy
And you deserve somewhere soft to lay
I'm sorry my love couldn't save you
They way I wish it could have
But I need you to know
It was there, it is still here
I didn't leave when you did
I still carry you, I still carry you
Still love, stillness, still irreplaceable
And if love could have saved you
If my love could have saved you
You would have lived forever