Before this starts

I need you to understand something

These are the words from the other side of suicide

From the people left standing after

someone they loved couldn't stay

The ones who still ask questions

The ones who still blame themselves

The ones who still reach for a phone

that will never ring the same again

This is not anger, this is not judgment

This is love with nowherе to go

This is grief trying to speak

This is what it sounds like whеn somebody leaves

And the people who love them have to keep

breathing around the hole they left behind

I've tried to find the right words

But some pain doesn't come with the right words

Some pain just sits in your chest and makes a home there

No matter how much time passes there's

still a part of you that stayed behind

On the day everything changed

This is for the ones we love

The ones we still love

The ones we would've saved if love was enough

You were somebody who changed me

Somebody I loved deeply

Somebody I still look for

In places you used to be

I walked through days that still expect me to breathe

Like I didn't lose the air when I lost you

People say, don't blame yourself

And I know they mean well

They tell me I couldn't have known

They tell me I couldn't have stopped it

They tell me your pain was bigger than anything

I could've loved away

And maybe they're right

But grief doesn't care about maybe

Grief comes at night when the world gets quiet

and asks questions that don't have answers

What if I had called? What if I had stayed?

What if I had heard something different in your voice?

What if one more I love you could have held you here?

Because if love could have saved you

you would still be here

If my arms could have pulled you out of that darkness

If my voice could have been Louder than

The pain lying yo you, you would still be here

I loved you enough to fight every shadow that came for you

I just didn't know I was fighting something

that had already gotten too close

And I hate that

I hate that you were hurting in ways I couldn't see

I hate that you're mind convinced you you're alone

When you were loved so deeply

I hate that pain can be that loud

Loud enough to drown out the people

who would've dropped everything

Loud enough to make you believe

The world would keep turning the same without you

But it doesn't

There is a hole in my heart that still has your shape

There's songs I can't listen to, places I can't go

Memories I can't touch without breaking open all over again

There are moments I still reach for you before I remember

And that remembering hurts every time

Because losing you didn't just break my heart, it changed me

It changed the way I hear silence

The way I answer the phone, the way I say goodbye

Now every quiet moment feels dangerous

Every missed call feels heavy

Every I'm fine sounds like something I need to check on

'Cause I know now that sometimes people who

are drowning don't look like they're drowning

Some times they smile, sometimes they laugh

Sometimes they say they're okay

But you were never a burden

Not for one second

And to anyone listening

who feels like the world would be better without you

Please hear me

That is pain talking

That is the darkness lying to you

You may feel tired

You may feel broken

You may feel like reaching out is too hard

But reach out anyway

Send a text, make the call

Tell somebody, "I'm not okay"

You don't have to explain it perfectly, just stay

Stay long enough for help to find you

Stay long enough for the feeling to pass

Stay long enough to let somebody love you

Do the part you don't know how to survive alone

Because there is someone who will spend the

rest of their life missing you if you go

There is someone who will replay every conversation

looking for what they missed

There is someone who would give anything for one more chance

To tell you how much you matter

Please don't let the worst moment of

your life make the final decision

You are needed, you are loved

You are not too far gone, you are not too much

You are not a burden

And to the one I lost, I don't know

if this reaches you, wherever you are

But I hope somehow, you know

I hope you know I still love you

I hope you know I don't remember you for how you left

I remember your heart, I remember your laugh

I remember the way you made life feel less lonely

And I'm sorry, I'm sorry for every moment you felt alone

I'm sorry the world was too heavy

And you deserve somewhere soft to lay

I'm sorry my love couldn't save you

They way I wish it could have

But I need you to know

It was there, it is still here

I didn't leave when you did

I still carry you, I still carry you

Still love, stillness, still irreplaceable

And if love could have saved you

If my love could have saved you

You would have lived forever