When I was 17, I wished I was 23
When I hit 23, I wished I was 17
Now I'm almost 29, I wish I was 85
It would be statistically unlikely you'd be alive

Because I hate your guts
Shit I hate you so much
I hope you suffer a small paper cut
I hope your boss makes you stay for a half hour more
Because I hate your guts
And I wish I didn't love you anymore

I hate the way you breathe
The stupid way you sneeze
How does everything you eat
End up stuck in your teeth?
The way you steal the sheets
When we go to bed
As I guessed they're a hole in the back of your head

Because I hate your guts
Shit I hate you so much
I hope the battery dies on your phone
I hope your favourite Tv show
Fails to record
Because I hate your guts
And I wish I didn't love you anymore

Wish I didn't love you [woah]
Wish I didn't love you [woah]
Wish I didn't love you [wooaah]

I hope when I'm out on tour
You lose your keys to the door
Because I hate your guts
And I wish I didn't love you anymore

Wish I didn't love you [woah]
Wish I didn't love you [woah]
Wish I didn't love you [wooaah]

So you must be mistaken
If you want to date me
You'd be more respected
If you were to hate me
There's so many warnings
You choose to ignore

Because I hate your guts
And I wish I didn't love you anymore

I hate your guts!