God said unto Abraham, "Take this Xanax bar
Don't talk no more about all of the war
And the cancer goin' on"

Next day, Abe'd thought he'd bring it up
At the local town hall
He said that the air's hard to breathe
And the water ain't clean
They said, "We're forwardin' your call"

He was on hold
For three days straight
When Jesus picked up the line
He said, "Don't question the guns
And if you wanna have fun
Just be grateful that I'm on your side"

God made the planet
Man made the Xanax
Elon, get Mars ready
Saddle up a big-ass starship wagon
'Cause the bars are too damn heavy

Jesus said, "I got a friend down at Pfizer
He helped my buddy, Jordan Peterson
We'll get it in quick and we'll get you a script
You're gonna love the diazepam"

Jesus asked him when the head wound happened
He said, "It was somewhere in-between
A four-year degree and a-wonderin'
If Iraq had WMDs"

Abraham prayed up to the Lord that night
He said, "Lord, what am I to do?
All the bushes are burned
And the money's been earned
And the interest rates are through the roof"

God made the planet
Man made the Xanax
Elon, get Mars ready
Saddle that big-ass starship wagon
'Cause the bars are too damn heavy

God sent an e-mail in the mornin'
When Abraham was all alone
Yeah, it buzzed so hard, likely scared him to death
It sounded like a Houthi drone

Thus, the Lord e-mailed unto Abraham
"Go see your PCP
I know that insurance is high, but so am I
And you know that you can trust me

When you're done, download my new app
And go see my therapist
You're gonna be fine, take yourself a double SRI"
Abe said, "God, if you insist! "

God made the planet
Man made the Xanax
Elon, get Mars ready
Saddle up a big-ass starship wagon
'Cause the bars are too damn heavy

Abe went down to the vape shop
While Jesus was restin' his bones
He bought a Very Berry flavor and it gave him a cough
But it was better than-a feelin' alone

When he got home, he decided
To give that new app a look
And now Abe learned to dance and he's shakin' his ass
But he forgot how to read a book

Abraham prayed up to the Lord that night
He said, "Lord, is P Diddy in trouble? "
God said, "You're gettin' it, Abe, that's a good direction
Let's get that dose to a double"

God made the planet
Man made the Xanax
Elon, get Mars ready
Saddle up a big-ass starship wagon
'Cause the bars are too damn heavy