You don't have to run away from what makes you different hoping to find yourself. You might find what you're looking for it was there all the time now you have missed your chance.
Because you're better than them all there's no need for approval be yourself and noone can stop you. You're too good to fall into this trap now walk away and leave it all behind.
You're losing part of yourself pretending to be something that you're not. You'll fall apart in due time if you keep going on like this things will never change.
Please don't change I would never be the same finding yourself is hard but don't give up on what you believe.